Understanding How ADHD Affects Adult Women: Breaking Free from People-Pleasing
Let’s explore how ADHD can impact adult women and lead to a pattern of people-pleasing. We'll discuss how this can sometimes lead to relationship codependency and offer some simple tips for breaking free from this cycle. In her enlightening article When People Pleasing Goes Bad: How ADHD Drives Codependency published on December 8, 2022, Cena Block astutely points out the undeniable connection between people-pleasing and codependency in individuals experiencing ADHD. This article delves deeper into this intricate relationship, drawing upon Block's insights and research findings to explore the profound impact of ADHD on codependent behaviours. Additionally, we will share strategies for breaking free from codependency and reclaiming personal autonomy.
The ADHD-Codependency Connection:
Cena Block aptly points out the existing link between ADHD and codependency in her article. Her assertion is supported by various studies suggesting that individuals with ADHD are more likely to have experienced adverse childhood events, such as abuse or neglect, which can significantly contribute to the development of codependent tendencies. One such study, conducted by Biederman et al. in 2008, found that children with ADHD were at a higher risk of experiencing maltreatment compared to their neurotypical peers.
Understanding Codependency:
Codependency, as outlined by Block, is characterized by the loss of one's sense of self in the context of a relationship. This phenomenon can manifest across various relationships, from romantic partnerships to friendships, work dynamics, and parent-child relationships. The core of codependency revolves around an excessive prioritization of the other person's needs and desires at the expense of one's own, resulting in a gradual erosion of personal independence.
The American Psychological Association's definition of codependency, which Block references, underscores the dysfunctional nature of these relationships. The APA defines codependency as "a dysfunctional relationship pattern in which an individual is psychologically dependent on (or controlled by) a person who has a pathological condition (e.g., alcohol, gambling)."
How People-Pleasing Disrupts ADHD Relationships:
Block eloquently illustrates how people-pleasing behaviours disrupt relationships among individuals with ADHD, driving them toward codependency. In codependent relationships, individuals often sacrifice their needs, preferences, and aspirations to cater to their partner's desires. This relentless prioritization of their partner's happiness leads to enmeshment, where the boundaries between the individuals blur.
Examples of codependent behaviours provided by Block include taking on all household responsibilities despite having an equally demanding job, forsaking personal preferences to align with the partner's choices, cancelling plans with friends or family due to a partner's objections, and forfeiting personal time to meet the partner's needs.
Breaking Free from People-Pleasing:
Here are some easy tips to help adult women with ADHD stop people-pleasing and regain their independence:
Open Communication: Talk About Your Feelings, tell your friends or family how you feel. Let them know it's hard for you to please them always. This can help them understand your needs better.
Set Boundaries: Well-defined boundaries foster healthy relationships. It's okay to say "no" when you need to. Set clear limits on what you can do for others and what you can't. This way, you can have time for yourself too.
Take Time for Yourself: Many women experiencing ADHD don’t take the time for themselves, even when they’ve carved it out. Along with scheduling some time just for you to take it! Do things you enjoy, like reading, drawing, or walking. Revisit personal interests and hobbies. This will not only help you feel more independent but will also support your self-care and mental well-being.
Be Kind to Yourself: Work on combatting negative self-talk and practice self-compassion. Don't be too hard on yourself, and remember that it's okay to make mistakes. Everyone does. Be kind to yourself and celebrate your successes.
Seek Professional Help: Talk to a doctor, therapist, or ADHD Coach. They can help you with your journey to become less dependent on others.
If you're an adult woman experiencing ADHD, remember that you're not alone in struggling with people-pleasing and codependency. By talking about your feelings, setting boundaries, taking time for yourself, being kind to yourself, and seeking professional help, you can break free from this cycle and lead a happier, more fulfilling, and independent life.